currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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