from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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