I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
