The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
