We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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