I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
