the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
