I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's rum buckets o'clock
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
