Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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