yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
