She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
