So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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