Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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