There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
do nipples grow back?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
