I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
