i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
