wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
