Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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