I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
