found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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