Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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