oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
