there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i out mim tonsoeep
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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