I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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