YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
