Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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