I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
