he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
