It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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