Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
