pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
