Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
