i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
