new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
