some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
