She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
