Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
