So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
