She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
