It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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