Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
