saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
