So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
MIDGETS
????
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
