You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
