my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
