let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You donβt need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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