Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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