Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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