This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
