Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
